Sunday, July 24, 2011
on a different note, its been more than 1 mth since retreat was over, and i must say its really a struggle to try and lead a good christian life. before i even get there, maintaining my own spiritual life is already a problem. i really duno what to do about it. its a struggle. day by day it gets more difficult and i dun like this feeling because i know once i go easy on myself, thats it, i'll be back to square 1. haizz...even at home, its a struggle to be a good catholic. i seem to snap so easily at xiao mei. just because im tired i just shove her away with my unwilling and negative replies. i feel bad, but..haizz. i need to do sth about it i guess.
i think i've been neglecting xiao mei too much. i'm starting to see my past in her. she's exactly the way i was last time and it hurts so bad to see her like that..im sure mummy and daddy feels the same way also. but i guess i was better off because i was still involved in church and all, so i was still going down the right direction. but for her is different, she dosen't really care about religion and all and is not active in church so yea.haizz hope she snaps out of this teenage blues or whatever u call it..haizz :( wish i could do sth about it :(
i really feel very tired. idk if im putting too much pressure on myself now that im working. i feel like i've alot to be responsible for now. even when xiao mei is like that, i put the blame on myself becuase i've been neglecting her too much, but to a 3rd party, they won't think its my fault. idk if tired cos of all these unnecessary pressure and all but yea..im really very tired. i wish i could perform better at work..i want to be an asset to the team and not a liability. haiz hope things will get better soon.
sorry for this very unorganised post...i'm really too tired to think alr...so yea..