Friday, November 05, 2010
idk how many of you still read my blog or rather i shld say idk if anyone still comes here but...i'll still type wat i feel...
i know i'm the weakest among all of you all...my pullups are the worst...sprint sets i'm always the last...weights i can't do as heavy as u all...and this feeling sucks...it sucks to be the one lagging behind...it sucks to have to always try and catch up...but its not like i'm not trying...ever since i came back..i kept telling myself to give myself some time..be patient with myself and i'll improve bit by bit...and now i can say that yes, there's an improvement as compared to when i first came back, but i know for a fact that i'm still not good enough...
as much as i really wish i can row with all of you as a batch, i know that seat in the boat is not mine to want...because there are alot more stronger year 2s that deserve the seat more than i do...i rmb before polite, yy told me to aim to row regatta with u all...and of course needless to say, it was my aim because i've wanted it from the day i joined db...now that regatta is over, all i can say i'm just disappointed in myself for not being able to become as good as u girls...for not being able to deserve that seat in the boat...yes, i'm upset about it but because i know for a fact that i'm not good enough, i kept telling myself not to have this expectation...but no matter what, i still am trying and have tried my best from the very first day i joined db in year 1....
i think when i left, it didn't mean much to u girls because at that time i wasn't really that close to you all...when i wanted to come back..i rmb rf telling me that u girls dun mind me coming back, as long as i commit fully and do my best..i admit that my attendance may not be good at times, but i can say that for every training i come for, i try my very best...
i know that there's still this barrier between you girls and i...when i came back i told myself that this barrier will slowly disappear but i think i'm wrong because during the 1 year that i wasn't around, it seems like u all got alot closer and thus, making it difficult for me to fit in again...well there's only myself to blame for this..i just want you girls to know that u all mean alot to me..really...you girls are the first ever team mates i've had...i really dun want us to graduate just like that...it really breaks my heart to see things like that :'(