Saturday, September 04, 2010
training in the morning...haiz..all i can say is...i'm just not good enough i guess...not much time left, but i still dun seem to be getting better at all..haiz..idk la..but...even though im trying...its still not good enough...i dun wanna be a burden to the team...but...haiz idk...we'll see after exams i guess...can't be thinking about this now...haiz but i guess...this really dampened my mood for the day...
i guess...things became better when i went for mass just now...felt super peaceful when i was praying before mass started...it was kind of comforting...mass today was good..interesting homily and all...but hmm wat Fr. said during homily is really true..."spritual family comes first" i totally agree..the catholic faith is not one that one can journey alone...its really hard and thats exactly wat i'm going through now i guess...chruch friends and i have drifted apart so much that now i dun even talk to them...haiz..nativity ppl seemed to have really grown alot stronger spiritually, while i'm back-sliding...hmm holy fam ppl, idk..i dun even talk to them now...its really hard to be there when there's nth there...haiz o wells...daddy asked me to join a grp in olps after i graduate..hmm will think about it i guess..but abit sian of having to make friends all over again and try to fit in when they have known each other since like forever..haiz..o wells...the thought of it dosen't make me happy too...o wells
then over dinner just now..xiao mei said she wanna learn drums..so naturally, i say i want a piano...daddy said "no! u din treasure the opportunity we gave u last time so if u want, u got to pick it up on ur own next time" haizz...i'm already going 19...i wanna do so many things but i have limited resources...at the end of the day..its still no to piano.haiz..miss it much..but even if i see a piano outside or sth..i won't be able to go and play it cos of how long i've not touched one..i think all my feel is gone already...rawrr...totally regret giving it up for sth else..haizz...i think i made the wrong choice in year 1...seriously..i shld have stuck on and stood firm...haiz...
o wells...can't blame my friends for always questioning me if what im doing is worth the effort...i cant ans them cos i myself have to try so hard to convince myself...haizz..just hope this time...i'll be convinced that what i'm doing is worth the effort because i really gave up alot just to stay on...or rather come back to it...haiz o wells..no one will understand...bleahhh....