Saturday, June 26, 2010
in front of certain grps of ppl i behave differently...to some, i try real hard to fit in...i kept telling myself it takes time..but i guess my patience has a limit too...its been so long and i still find myself trying so hard to be who im not just to fit in...but somehow..all that is to no avail..because im not outgoing..because im not pretty...because im not cute..because im not strong enough..because im not fit enough...somehow..because of every other reason..i still feel damn extra...i dun want to try so hard anymore..its really draining me out...
i guess society is cruel and reality is harsh..seriously...ppl like to say that everyone is impt and ur actions will affect the rest of the population..but i guess..all those are just words because in reality there will be ppl who will be deemed as more impt than others...and somehow...whatever the more impt ppl say or do will gather the attention of the rest...or rather..ppl will tend to care and be more concern about the more impt ppl...and those not so impt ppl will get left out and whatever they do and all won't really matter..because of labelling of importance...even though one might say that its not true, but deep down inside each and every individual...there's some kind of labelling going on..be it which person u like or dun like..who is irritating or not...who is cute or pretty etc etc...rawrr..just hate this whole labelling thing...it seriously affects how ppl treat others...haiz o wells..who am i to say anything man...
anyway...there's this bubble of hope i've been holding on to for quite some time..actually i think it has burst completely already, just that i dun want to admit it, unless the truth or reality is told to me straight in the face...which will obviously make me very sad..but for now..i choose to live in denial and still say that there's still this small bit of hope left...haiz...the higher the expectation the greatedr the disappointment...gosh idk wat will happen when this bubble really disappears..rawr..i'll probably go into emo mode or sth..but...i have no time to be like that..but its just me...i mean...haiz..nvm i just want it so badly i guess...so badly that i've made so many sacrifices..but i guess im not the only one...everyone wants it badly too...o wells...shall try not to think so much for now...
hmm i guess thats all for now...tmr's siwf...first time going to barrage tmr..hahaha hmm hope siwf will be a good race...jia you ba sp!!