FINALLY!!! there's time to rest...idk why this whole week past so quickly or shld i say in general, time is passing really quickly all of a sudden...its so scary and it makes me more stress too...
rawr...have been feeling quite gek (very stuffed up). suddenly there seems to be so many things to think about and so many things to do..just thinking about my weekend schedule is killing me..rawrrr db..church..db...rawrrrr just what is the freaking right decision to make? if i go for one i can't go for the other..rawrrr..if only i can split myself into more pieces then i can be at more than one place at one time..rawrr...if i go for church camp meeting i can't go for mixed training...if i go for prep camp..i can't go for mass...RAWRRR....when will things not clash??? what should i do now?? i dun wanna miss training because i very well know where i stand, but i dun want to miss spending time with church friends too..rawrrr =( tough decision..haiz..i guess this is the main cause of why i feel so gek..rawr..
and idk why i fear the freaking pullup bar so much...its damn freaking irritating...im just so afraid when i see the pullup bar...is it because i know im not strong enough to do pullups properly like the others? or what? but this mental blockage is a hinderance now...rawrrr..i want to do proper pullups like the others but i seem to restrict myself so much when i see the pullup bar..JUST WHAT IS FREAKING WRONG WITH ME?? last time lildat..now also lildat..rawrrr...hate this feeling much..haiz =( just not good enough...i need to improve more and more and more and more and even more...rawrrr
hmm..i guess many a times i just dun like to feel alone..or rather, i dun want to be lonely..i mean no one wants to feel that way but its just inevitable i guess because like someone once told me, it takes time and effort to build on human relation and u won't feel accepted in every situation..sometimes after u drifted away, the gap between others in the grp grew alot closer during that period of time and when u want to get closer to that alot closer grp of ppl now, it might be too late, because penetrating through that strong bond of theirs is almost impossible...
hmm i guess i've been trying to penetrate through certain groups cos i want to feel accepted and part of the grp but i sometimes it just makes me feel that no matter how hard i try, nth is going to change because its already like this...time and time again, things happen to prove my point...haiz..no matter how i hate it, its a fact that i must accept i guess..i guess on the surface it seems normal, but only i know how it really is on a deeper level. i guess this is the meaning of substance over form? if i can even use that term in this context. i guess im saying all these cos somehow it feels empty inside of me and abit lonely at times i guess..haiz..o wells..
hmm..whats this feeling all about?
