Sunday, March 14, 2010
itp has been alright so far...i feel quite accomplished this week..but i totally exhausted myself mentally..seriously..haha idk why im trying so hard also..but yea..rawr i'll do my best and i'll try my best...i guess itp itself has some kind of stress involve...but its mainly the outcome of me pressuring myself to a certain extend..haha o wells..hope the coming week will be good too..
hmm training today...rawrrr im still not good enough...feels quite terrible to be lagging behind..rawrr..even the basics i can't get right..wth is wrong with me!! rawrrrrr wake up call ger wake up call...haiz..nvm..shall not say so much..rawr..i shall just try to push more i guess..=((
hmm i think its quite scary that when im tired im quite emotionally unstable...when im tired...i tend to explode at ppl around me esp my family..when im tired i tend to think of some ppl..and i tend to think of things that i want to do but cannto do somehow and that makes me feel worst...rawr..i need to stop that and change my train of thoughts...it feels sucky to feel like that....it makes me emo =( but i guess im getting better at hiding my emo-ness and covering it up by being high and crazy...rawrr...
rawr..it sucks to explode at ppl..that i know for a fact...so i'll just keep all these within me and cover it up with my craziness although it feels terrible too.but...i dun wanna hurt others through my actions or words..so yea..haiz...and i think i'll get better at covering everything up so yea..o wells i'll be fine...its just me and my emo world..so yea..rawrrr...if i had a piano..i think everyhting will be better..o wells..i have to stop complaining because i know that wish of mine is impossible to fulfill at this point of time..
and that links to wat im going to say next..rawr..somehow...i keep wanting to do so many things.but i feel its not possible...i have a limit..i have a limit to wat i can do well..rawrr and over this weekend..it occured to me that its really not easy to prioritize things...haiz o wells...i want so many things...but...i can only choose some..haiz...o wells...
when i saw someone the other day..i wanted to talk to that person so badly for some reason...i wanted a hug from that person..to let me know that everything will be ok...i wanted to just pour everything out to that person...but...when i saw that person..it was so near yet so far kinda thing...haiz...i guess its always like that...i have so much i wanna say..but when i get the chance, somehow i just can't say it because im afraid of what that person might think of me..rawrr..when will i ever break through that barrier??? rawrr i wish i could just let everything out to that person...haiz o wells...nth i can do about it because i think i dun even mean anything to that person...its always the so near yet so far feeling =( rawrr forget it ger..nth is going to come out of this ='(