Sunday, November 08, 2009
i've been thinking about my life..
i've been thinking about what i wanna do..
these few weeks i've been talking to someone quite often...this someone seems to be really sure and confident of what he/she wants to do after poly...this someone seems to have a definite aim..and im sure he/she can achieve it because its realistic for him/her....its kind of motivating...but...i wish i could have that aim too...i mean since i started poly...i had a similar goal..but now..i seem to be further and further away from it for some reason...for some reason..i seem to want to give up...for some reason...i seem to be doubting my own abilities...
just now..mummy told me "ever since u came back from japan, u seem to have lost interest in ur studies" i was like totally shocked when she said that..because i feel..comparing this sem to last sem...im already starting to put in more effort....yes..i agree i spend quite alot of time working..but when im not working...im doing my work or resting or doing my peresonal stuffs...and when she happens to see it...somehow she only rmbs that im on the com..but im sure there are times that im not on the com and sitting in front of my table doing my tutorials and all...haiz..idk ..the only way to prove that i haven't given up will be doing well for tests and exams i guess..rawrr..but even as im typing this..idk if i can make it...=(
and today at mass..fr iggy talked about God's dream for each one of us...hmm i wonder what God wants me to do...i want to do what God wants me to do and not just do what i want to do...hmm i really enjoyed he's homily today...took away quite a few things i guess..but im not going to blog about it here...haha
last night i wanted to blog about sth..but after talking to best friend and someone...i decided not to...best friend..i know ur reading this...thanks for everything..thanks for always being here for me...thanks for whatever you said last night...i really appreciate it alot =)
after thinking aobut it for some time..i guess its God's way of speaking to me....allowing me to know all these things its proabably he's way of asking me to start drawing a line now so that the bruise won't be so big next time..if i do fall right into the hole...i guess its just how im going to accept it and start changing the way i think and all right now...its how im going to adapt...its how im going to handle my feelings from now on...i guess its not going to be easy because of some reason...but i'll keep trying....i'll stay as strong as i can..
finally...ALL THE BEST TO EVERYONE TAKING A LEVELS!!! ESP MY BELOVED PANADAS, ISA JIE AND MY DEAREST DEAREST SCANDAL!!! love you girls alot!! jia you jia you!!