Monday, March 23, 2009
so just now after meeting some church friends i decided to walk home because i missed the bus and i didn't want to wait at the bus stop, as the frequency of that bus is kind of slow at that time. I don't really know why, but the walk seemed kind of short today, when on other days it's dreadfully long. o wells, maybe its just my mood today ba. anyway, its been a long time since i had a nice peaceful walk at night.
as i walked, i thought about many stuffs. it just kept coming to me one after another, so yea. haiz.. i guess i acted that way earlier today because i just wanted that little bit of attention for once. I mentioned that i didn't get my desired reaction a few posts ago. I guess i'm still kind of bothered by it. its just so me to be bothered by these kind of stuffs la..o wells.
I guess its because for quite a while, i've been working really hard for it, and when i get this outcome, i feel kind of disappointed with the kind of reaction i get. Maybe because there was a better kind of reaction to a similar matter before mine, so i'm comparing but i feel its bias la. I mean if a certain reaction was given to a similar matter before, why can't i get the same reaction and treatment? is it really not fantastic enough? is it really not good enough? didn't i manage to prove myself? are their expectations really that high? or is it just pure bias-ness or do the feel that there is no need to give me such reaction? hmm..maybe the outcome wasn't good enough...whatever i do dosen't seem to be good enough..gosh o wells..
I guess, i really wanted that little bit of attention for once so badly. All this time, i've been so patient and tolerant and not asking for anything at all. I was just this guai little girl doing her work and working so hard. I tried my very best to avoid all arguments and tried to be the peacemaker when things when wrong. I just swallowed whatever i could. I didn't voice my unhappiness because i thought it wasn't necessary, as long as i can attain a good outcome. I wasn't like that last time, but now, i've changed. The ger now is no longer the ger of last time. is all these not enough?
o wells. I guess its just me la, so i'll try to put all that thought aside and hopefully i will succeed and not let that affect me. Be it if they're bias or they're just too caught up with other things that they think is more important whatsoever, i'll try to swallow it - swallow all my unhappiness and disappointments and whatever other emotions there is.