Wednesday, February 04, 2009
i guess i've been too complacent, things aren't as simple as i thought, getting an A for that module is no longer a breeze. something that i used to be able to do so easily, i now struggle to complete. even upon completion now, its not up to standard and expectations. i guess, i've really taken all these for granted. but, the feeling has gone from anxiety and worry, to stress, and now, numbness. i guess this year so far, has made me realise that i can no longer do things i used to be able to as easily as i could in the past. even though now is only the beginning of feb, i've been getting quite alot this crap. proabably cos of this, i'm kinda feeling numb about this.
but i must admit, this feeling of numbess has caused alot of emptiness inside of me. i thought this emptiness could be filled quite easily, but i was wrong once again(like when was i ever correct right?) i just don't know what has gotten into me..i just like the germaine i used to be, but i've seemed to become a different person. is change causing all these? is it cos of a change of environment? new church? new friends? i don't know..i really duno..i duno how long it'll take before i can be just myself, like before.
gosh..exams are coming and im feeling like shit...how am i supposed to score well? how am i supposed to focus? today was already super unproductive..arghhhh..im gonna cry already la..arghhhh...what is happening to me?!?!?