Tuesday, December 23, 2008
wth wth wth whenever i receive sms-es or emails about church activities...deep down within me i wanna attend..i wanna go back and help plan these activities...i wanna be invovled in church again!!! BUT I NOE TATS NOT POSSIBLE!!!! I DUN HAVE TIME!! I CAN'T COPE IF I GO BACK!!!! IM LIVING TOO FAR AWAY!!! wth im pissed off with myself..im pissed off that i cannot stand firm by my decision..im pissed tat i waver so easily....its really torturing lildat!!! i've tried so hard to convince myself but after tat sms today....THIS WAS THE OUTCOME!!!!!!!!!!! =(((( SAD LA....so disappointed with myself...im damn sad i can't do wat i like to do..im sad tat i can't choose wat i used to like doing because my hands are tight...i can't do anything else now!!!! but juz try to not think about it..arghhhhh....
tat day at penetential service at holy family...i saw Fr.Fred...he was one of the priest lietening to confession.....and i suddenly thought about my journey as a lector...i've come quite far actually..but i guess its all over now..since i decided to leave the society..no matter how well or how badly i did last time...its not important anymore i guess...ITS ALL OVER!!!! i guess all i can do now is to keep those memories at the bottom of my heart....it'll always remain with me de....but i really need to thanks Fr. Fred for all the encouragement he has given me when he was in nativity...oh man...really miss lectors..but...o wells...haiz...rmb my first time reading for children's mass..rmb my first time reading for weekday mass..rmb my first time reading for easter vigil..rmb my first time reading for sunday mass(not children's mass)..rmb my first time reading for christmas midnight mass...and my first time reading for days of obligations etc...omg omg going crazy thinking about all those stuffs..ok i shan't continue the rest of the info is kept within my heart...argh..ger!! wake up ur idea..u need to let go...juz LET GO!!!!!
really miss hanging out with church ppl...miss the hugs from church ppl...miss attending church camps...miss planning church camps even though i'll be damn busy..miss going home late after church meetings...miss everything about church...ahhhhhh!!!! sad sad....nvm shall stop complaining...i go emo ='(
i guess being active in church has made me a different person...im a different person from when i juz started....