Sunday, December 28, 2008
firstly..i dun want to join a church grp and be active in church again juz so i can go tioman...cos i very well know that if i join cos of the trip..its not going to last long..cos im joining for the wrong reasons..and i dun want that to happen..i wanna join because i really want to serve God once again..i wanna join because i really want to noe Him better and draw closer to Him...i want to join only for the right reasons...i can't make myself join because of the trip...i can't...
ppl may think its easy cos i'll have a motivation to take part in activities and all...but that is absolutely not true...because once that motivation dies...i'll dread it..and i dun want tat to happen...now im feeling very empty and i noe this kind of emptiness can only be filled by God..only He can fill that hole inside of me...i guess i'll start by getting my own spiritual life going again...i have to..i really have to..really miss those church camps...those meetings in church and juz slacking and talking to church friends...hmm..really very happy to hear some of their voice over the phone today...really hope to see them soon...i kinda regret letting go lildat but i guess i've already made that choice...so yea...
as for the trip..i'll see how it goes ba..cos...no matter wat i can only go if both my parents give the green light..even if i somehow go but they dun approve of it..i'll feel realllly bad...so yea...
next...i duno why..everytime after a holiday something will make me feel jealous of a certain someone...(i duno if its good or bad) maybe its juz cos im too competitive...i duno..but yea this feeling of jealously is reallly great this time...cos of some reason...i hope this term will be EXCELLENT!!! i can't afford to lose out at this point....i muz not lose to a certain someone..if that person can acheive so much im sure i can too!!! even if i can't i muz try..i muz push myself no matter wat..this coming end of sem exam is really impt to me...i need to do well...so yea...i hope i can have the energy to sustain me through 7 weeks of studies before exams...(but i think i need to learn to be less competitive..arghhh.this thing has been in me since sec skool argh...sometimes i think its bad tat im so competitive)