Thursday, November 06, 2008
after tat lessons went for training....training wasn't good at all..im already recovering from flu and all but my fitness is still sucky..argh.argh...pull ups sucks ttm today...sorry ruifang...i kick alot....then running sucks also...run until ankle pain but still can endure..o wells..striding quite ok la...then weights was a total disaster..stuff tat sharron could do i couldn't do properly..wth is wrong with me..its like less than 20 days to regatta liao and im still like shit...IS MY BEST REALLY NOT ENOUGH?!?!?! IS IT ALWAYS NOT ENOUGH?!?!?!?i duno la..today during gym i was kinda distracted..duno why also..argh..wth is wrong with u la germaine!!!! i dun seem to be performing well at trainings and even in class wth!!!! ahhhhhh wat shld i do???? shit la..im like on the verge of breaking down already...argh...ger be stronger..emotionally..mentally and physically..wats the problem with u...dun keep crying argh..
im very pissed and irritated with myself..why can others do it while i can't? y can others handle trainings and studies so well??? we have the same amount of hw..and he has more trainings than me..but why can he handle it so well??? why can't i seem to do the same?
im really tired of everything...being a walking zombie in skool is no fun...but wat to do..im already very tired..really tired liao...i duno how much longer i can hang on liao....i really duno....i feel from time and time tat the string is going to snap anytime....
suddenly today i start to feel the stress and the pressure...deadliines are coming really soon and i've not started on any project..ahhh..i duno how im going to survive..i think this weekend will be a torture...
i really duno wat i shld do..i keep having this feeling of giving up...but for now i'll juz hang on..for regatta...
argh my mind is filled with a lot of thoughts now...but i can't seem to blog about it...cos its all in a mess and it'll be very emo...so yea..argh...almost cried on the train on the way home..but alot of ppl la...so i juz blinked away those tears...and i dun wanna cry in front of my friends also...so yea...
i wish i could talk to a certain someone now...i wish i could tell tat certain someone juz everything....but i noe its impossible...all i could do is juz keep this thought as a wishful thinking on my part ba...cos i noe..we'll never be able to talk on the phone again...and even if i cry in front of tat certain someone...tat someone won't be bothered...=( so wats the point? wats the point of even keeping this thought? ahhhhhhhh i duno... (in this kind of situation..u were there for me..to comfort me and give me encouragment...where are u now?) shit la..juz thinking of this makes me cry...
o wells..i shall go and con'd emoing and thinking bout stuffs...argh..how i wish i could be as fit and strong as my team mates =(