Friday, September 05, 2008
as my msn subnick says,"sorry i can't make a decision that pleases everyone" dun u ppl always tell me to get my priorities right and have good time management? now tat i made the decision to choose sth else..i can sense tat u are not happy with my decision..u dun have to say tat u are not happy..the tone of ur reply says it all....this is not the first day i noe u...i noe when u plan sth u expect full cooperation and participation and i noe u'll go to other ppl and bitch about me...wth is wrong with u...im not saying u are no good or wat...ur good in ur own way...but dun u tink its too demanding to expect others to always follow ur orders? i noe u are my senior and my friend and i respect u...i've always looked up to u...its juz whether u noe it or u dun..but i tink u dun notice it la cos ur so well-liked...o wells..watever it is...regarding the event..i've made up my mind and the decision is wat i've told u and i dun care wat reply u wanna give cos i din expect a reply i was juz checking if u received my sms!
im no longer the little kid u used to noe..the little kid tat does anything u ask her to do....i noe..i used to listen to u...during planning of camp or wat i took ur advice and ur suggestions and i always asked ur opinion when i needed to...u and other seniors may have bitched about me or watsoever but i dun care...wth im juz freaking pissed tat u gave me such a reply in tat kind of tone...i noe i've changed...u may say for the worst but i guess i juz grew up a tiny bit...but i guess tat tiny bit does make a difference
u may say im no longer committed or im irresponsible.....but as long as i noe i've made the right choice...everything else dosen't matter...its a fact tat i've MIA-ed for a long time...but does it matter? my presence is no longer impt...tats why u din even bother to persuade me..wth...u noe..juz as i was about to make my final decision about a certain thing...u had to make me pissed off even if u din noe it..and now im reconsidering my decision..cos i duno if its the right one..everytime i wanna finalise my decision..some external forces have to make me waver...i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!!!
i noe u have sacrificed alot for this..and u may say i din sacrifice anything..i noe u seniors like to say tat i need to sacrifice certain things to make things work out at times...i noe ever since i started poly u guys have been telling me tat...i noe the amount of things i've sacrificed cannot be compared to all of u because its way too little in ur opinion..but u noe..everytime i need to make a decision..i need to consider for a long time...there are juz too many factors to take into consideration...i juz duno how i can stay so committed in the past...sacrifice sacrifice and more sacrifice...does it mean u sacrifced more than me means tat u can give me tat kind of reply in tat kind of tone? i noe u stay quite far away now so all the more u should understand how tiring it is to travel such a long distance...i noe u have a driving liscence but i dun...u may drive there which shortens ur travelling time but i can't...im different from u...im in a different situation from u...
if u read this...u may say im exegeratting or juz blowing up the matter...from one small thing to a really big thing...but this is how i feel when i saw tat reply...like it or not..this is how i feel....
(i juz duno where all the warmth and love in church went to..or maybe its juz tat i've MIA-ed for too long...but even so...from wat ppl have been telling me...warmth and love juz disappeared for quite a while already)