Thursday, February 22, 2007
for me, this long break was really a time for me to reflect and think about some stuffs. some of which i'll mention..some of which i'll keep it private...
i feel that i've changed, although no one has told me that i have, but i can juz sense it...i feel that im quite different now..i dunno if i've changed for the bettter or not...i tend to take things even more seriously now and i feel that im beginning to talk lesser to my friends, be it in skool or in church...sometimes, i juz dun feel that i belong where i am...i actually have other stuffs to say ...but i can't bare to say it here in public..nvm..i shall keep it to myself, so as not to create any misunderstandings..
this break has also allowed me to think if i really wanted to con'd taking pure science or drop to combine science...to cut the long story short..i decided to hang on in there..as i feel that i chose the subjects with my own free will..and i believe that God has a plan for my life and he won't entrust me with anything i cannot handle..
another thing that i'm quite worried about is my cca..SYF is juz round the corner and we are like not really good enough..at least the pieces aren't together yet...as for my section..ppl are having really short attention span..i noe that you guys are tired ...but so am i..but at least i feel that i shld be given some respect..i mean..i noe im not tat good after all..but....im trying really hard to be a good sectional leader...im trying to get everyone to cooperate with me..i mean...the actual syf is not everything..is the journey towards it that really matters - the experience..i'm really disappointed with myself..i cannot even get hold of the attention and cooperation of my members...i'm really really sad...i hope i will be able to better lead my members...i hope that you guys will cooperate with me..if u dun like my face..its ok..after syf..i'll not be around anymore..you guys can talk bad about me all you want...but since im still in the choir, i wanna do my best to fullfill my duty...i wanna apologize if i've been too hard on you guys or may have scolded you guys..but...i hope you understand that it was necessary to do tat at that point of time..im sry...=(
i feel really really lousy...i feel like a failure..i mean..u used to be a better leader..now..i noe many ppl dun like me..they complain that im too fierce and strict watsoever..but ....do they really noe how i feel?!?!?..i tink they dun..sobs..o wells..
apart from all those...i've been missing some people too...i haven't been talking to them or sms-ing or even chatting online...i really really miss them..especially one very very special person...
i really miss you...you mean alot to me...but the way we chat is now different..it seems to me that you've been chatting with everyone else except me..i feel sad...please at least tell me the reason y you're treating me differently as last time..please tell me y we cannot con'd to have the same kind of friendship as we had in the past...i really really miss you lots..and i really hope to have a long and lasting friendship with you and con'd chatting normally with you..juz as when we first met...if i've done or said anything that hurt you watsoever..please tell me..and im really sry...i can't bare to loose a friend like you...
ok ppl..i've realised that wat im blogging about these few times is quite depressing..im really sry...cause its all juz my thoughts and ya...if you understand you understand..if you dun..then nvm k...tks for reading anyway...ppl..PLEASE TAG !!! to help make my blog more lively...=) shall blog again soon..