Friday, February 24, 2006
im really sorry ppl tat my posts this few days are not very pleasant....really sorry
i really dunno how to describe my feelings now...i know i may appear as a carefree person, a happy go lucky kind..but actually tats not who im really am..im sure many ppl may not know this...
skool these days are kinda stressful...especially with the common test and all..when there is a test there will definetely be expectations...and im afraid tat i will not be able to meet my expectations as well as other's expectations...
yesterday had english and geog paper...eng was fine..but now as i tink of it..i feel tat i wrote out of point...however, geog paper wasn't too good..i sort of freaked out when i saw the questions cause i in really noe how to answer them..i really hope my expectations will be met..tomoro there's social studies paper..today had mock amaths test andi counted tat i failed the paper cause my teacher told us the correct answer after the test...i really feel very stupid now...argh!!!..
ok..i really have to say this..though i noe this would disappoint many people..
to those seniors of mine tat always say tat i have the potential to do well..im really sorry...i really feel useless at times..u see..i really dunno y ..but my grades are all either a 50 percent kind of mark...or a fail very badly kind of mark...im really sorry to those people....i really hope i have ur brains..cause u ppl are really clever...many of my dad's friends have also told me many times tat im really clever and have the potential to do well...im really sorry...u ppl say this cause u tink i look like the clever sort..im really sorry..unfortunately...i dun tink im tat intelligent compared to my friends...like isa, nic, jes ,becky and esther....all my tests results are always the worst among all of them ...i really dun like to disappoint ppl especially my friends and seniors...and i also dun like to disappoint myself..but the point here is ...everytime i get back any test..i am disappointed..argh!!!..i hate this feeling...
as i reflect on why i tink i do badly in tests and exam..and based on wat ppl tell me sometimes..i dunno if its true..but sometimes i feel tat my expectations are too high...is it because im not concentrating enough? is it because i din study hard enough? is it because i din study wats important? is it juz because im plain lazy? is it because im juz plain stupid and cannot understand the questions? is it because i dunno how to do ? is it because.....????
hmm..i wonder .....ok nvm..i tink im juz tinking too much
but seriously...im juz not performing up to expectations..argh!!!
ok nvm..i shall stop here and go and study for my test tomoro..shall update when im free...